I came across the following story that I wrote several years ago. Enjoy . . .
Recipe of Thoughts
Someone once said that a busy mind is a healthy mind. If this is true my mind will live to be a 1000 years old. My thought recipe each day includes the ingredients of being a mom, a wife, a caregiver, a daughter, a student and a secretary. I add a sprinkle of granddaughter, church member and in-law. All of my thoughts that I process in one day could tip the scale of sanity.
As a mom, I exercise many of the same thoughts each day. I think about discipline, what foods my 4-year old will eat (should eat), bath time, playtime, preschool and bedtime. Each thought brings me to realize how lucky I am to have such a beautiful, loving, energetic and healthy little boy.
When it comes to me thinking as a wife, I have to remember how to handle sensitive situations. I just think instead of speaking to keep from starting an argument. Sometimes my tongue feels like it might fall off I have bit it so hard. As I think of the difficulties of marriage, I realize how fortunate I am to have a relationship in excess of 17 years and that I can embrace such a wonderful husband.
Invading my daily protocol is the thought that I have a 40-year-old husband with cancer. I think about the effect this disease has had on our lives over the past few months. I think about the way in continually controls every aspect of our lives. The debilitating results of the chemotherapy as it transforms a strong, healthy looking young man into a sick, vulnerable individual. I feel for the other families that have fought this disease in the past, now in the present and in the future. I have been blessed with the time to spend with my husband as we deal with this disease. I believe as we fight each battle individually, we are a little closer to winning the war.
It seems these days that my thoughts are controlled primarily by my caregiver status. I think about what medicine my husband needs to take and when the medicine is due. I weigh the individual advantages and disadvantages of the drugs and the drugs ability to subside a particular symptom. I contemplate taking my husband to the hospital for fluids immediately or giving him a few more hours to consume liquids. As I watch him violently sick I think are the treatments working. I always come to the same conclusion, I must do what I can, I must strive to keep a stiff upper lip and I smile.
The decision I have faced this week also fall under the category of a daughter’s duty. As the phone rings at 2:00 in the morning, I think about a decision to take my father to the emergency room or not. I must think about the most important place for me to be at the hospital with my father or at home with my son and sick husband. The thinking I do for my parents is sometimes overbearing but how grateful I am to have my parents still living.
My thoughts sometime take me down the negative highway but I always try to take a right turn onto Positive Boulevard.
As a secretary, I think professionally of the job at hand. I think of the appropriate way to handle the situation at hand. Since my son works with me each day I must interrupt my professional thoughts with mommy thoughts. The pressure is on me at times but the thought comes to mind, I have work and my son too. How good can it get for me?
My thoughts wind down for the day. I thank God for all the blessings he has bestowed upon me and I drift off to sleep as my thoughts come together like the colors of the rainbow landing in a pot of gold I call my life.
To fast forward to the present, we lost my husband’s battle with cancer, my son is now 12 years old, my legal secretary job of 20 years has come to an end, and my parents are 80 and 83.
My life has and still is so full of blessings. I am so lucky to have been able to marry my teenage sweetheart, build a home and have a child together. We were together for near 22+ years for which I am so thankful.
My son, starting going to work with me at age 7 weeks [yes, 7 weeks old]. I have been so blessed to have a boss that would allow me to take my child to work. Talk about the best of both worlds. Included in this I was also able to see my parents often, they would stop by and visit the office whenever. Up until the day we closed the office I was fortunate to take my son to school each day, pick him up at school, attend all his extracurricular activities and bring him to work with me after school! I have been able to experience everything with him whether it be funny or messy!
My parents, WOW, you can click on the story I wrote about them to get just of feel of the blessings. As I said before, Dad will be 84 in June, Mom will be 81 in July and they will have their 63rd Anniversary on June 19th! Enough said . . . I am so very blessed to have them!
As for the legal secretary job, we had planned on closing the office for several years as my boss was approaching the retirement age. This was hard for us [my boss and I] we had muddled through the death of his brother and then mine, the death of his mom and of course, the death of my husband. But each day, the sweet little blue-eyed boy kept us on our toes and smiling! What a run, what a job, how lucky am I?
Just in case you were wondering, not only was I given the chance to experinence “all the above”, I can now experience love for a second time around. I have been so lucky once again, to find Todd, the sweet man that supports me 110 %! How much GOLD can one girl get, maybe I am Irish!